Just don’t ask what I’ve been up to, k? February 19
Ok. yeah. It’s been awhile since I posted anything here. September 4th, 2011? Yeesh.
iPhone quickie from Tampa August 1
Final day in Tampa. Survived two days of Bush Gardens with family. Now must Drive home. Bush Gardens is not for the weak or timid.
Re-enactment of an actual phone call before Mini-Lobster Season kicked off today July 28
(Sunday, 3 days till mini-lobser season) Number unfamiliar, but local so I answer.
Male Voice: You and Dave neglected to tell me that an army of unbelievably rude and obnoxious assholes descend on the Keys this week.
I started to answer. Though I’m still not sure who it is, it is clearly a friend of Dave’s who has not been here for previous Lobster Mini-Seasons. He cut me off.
Male Voice: I’ve never seen anything like it. They are everywhere. In the stores, on the water and they are complete jerks. They have no idea what the rules on the water are. We were nearly killed by assholes racing through the no wake zone less than fifty feet from our dive flag. I had kids in the water snorkeling dammit. What the hell is wrong with these people?
Me: Mini-Lobster Season opens Wednesday. This happens every year. We arm the boats and mostly ignore it.
Male Voice: I have a hand gun. But …
Me: Not intimidating enough and you don’t want to shoot people unless you have to, you need a shotgun to blow-out their engine, so you can get away from them quickly.
Male Voice: You’re kidding me.
Me: Unfortunately, no. You chamber a round on a decent sized shot gun and the assholes will untie from your boat and back the hell off very quickly.
MV: They tie up to your boat? Who the hell DOES THAT? That’s happened to you?
Me: Yes. We haven’t had to actually shoot it but … it’s come out of the box once or twice. There are people who will tie up to your boat while you are diving. Most are harmless. Some want to steal your GPS numbers and / or your equipment. Sometimes they have worse intentions. Leave someone on your boat at all times and have a shotgun handy – especially during mini-lobster season. They figure you have scoped out al the spots, so if they see you bring up lobster, they will follow you all over the ocean for the rest of the day – and that’s fine, as long as they keep a safe distance.
MV: Jesus. When Dave talked me into buying a house down here he didn’t mention any of this crap. This is – traffic is – it’s unreal.
Me: I sympathize. You want to talk to Dave?
I handed the phone off to Dave. Dave spent the next half hour trying to talk his friend off the cliff’s edge and calm him down.
Sigh. I LOVE mini-lobster season. I don’t mind the insane tourists. The rudeness and criminal behavior doesn’t bother me. It’s bad, I won’t kid you on that score. It’s real bad, but I don’t care. Because most of the people are perfectly normal, if a little stressed, taking that last vacation in the Keys before summer ends and are happy to bring enough bugs back to the hotel room for dinner and a fun cookout with family. I’ve seen the scene played out over and over and it’s as heartwarming as a Saturday Evening Post cover by Normal Rockwell to my eyes.
We didn’t go out this morning. Dave’s illness has him exhausted and he had to get to Homestead for Dialysis by 1:30 so unless we got out at 4 am it wasn’t happening. But tomorrow? We will brave the jeung hoard for bugs with friends and hopefully get a few. If we are very lucky, we won’t even need the shotgun.